We took the kids to the park recently during one of those glorious afternoons where nobody had anywhere to be. It was a fun afternoon of playing and exploring and as usual I had my phone snapping a few photos as moments were unfolding. Afterward, we were all sitting together eating a snack and I was showing them the photos and silly videos from our afternoon and, before I knew it, my youngest kid turned to his dad and asked if he had any photos of me playing with them.
I felt two things in that moment, at the same time. First, hope, because I wanted to see myself there too. I wanted evidence that I had been in it with them, that there was something to look back on.
And next came something like sadness. Because there wasn’t anything. When I asked why not, his answer was that he just doesn’t think about it.
I’ve thought about that answer a lot. And I don’t think he means anything by it… I really don’t. But the reason he doesn’t think about it is because he’s never had to. In our house, like in a lot of houses, I’m the one who thinks about documenting our life. I’m the one who notices a moment worth keeping and reaches for my phone. I’m the one making sure the kids are in the photos, that the holidays are recorded, that there’s something to look back on. And because I’m always the one doing that, I’m almost never on the other side of it. Because it takes a conscious effort to plan it so that you’re also in the photo while setting it up and because sometimes it’s hard to do that in the moment.
This is not a post about blame. My husband is a good dad and a good partner and it genuinely didn’t occur to him to pick up his phone and point it in my direction. It’s just that in most families, one person carries the weight of documentation and it’s usually the mom. She’s the one noticing the moments worth keeping, reaching for her phone, making sure everyone else is in the frame. And because she’s always the one doing that, she’s almost never on the other side of it.
The result is that years go by and she’s barely in the record of her own family’s life. And her kids, who adore her, who will want to remember her exactly as she is right now, won’t have much to look back on.
So, this post is for the spouses and for the moms who are going to send it to them.
A lot of moms have said some version of “I wish you took more photos of me.” And a lot of spouses have heard it and meant to do something about it and then didn’t. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more about how to make that concrete. So here’s where to start.
No Photography Experience Required
Nobody is asking you to learn photography. The moments worth capturing aren’t complicated or hard to find… they’re already happening every single day in your house. The only thing that needs to change is that you start noticing them.
What follows isn’t a checklist of exact moments to recreate, because every family is different and your version of these will look nothing like mine. Think of them more as windows of time… invitations to look up from whatever you’re doing and see if something worth keeping is right in front of you.
When to Have Your Camera Ready
These moments are not rare. They happen constantly. The only difference is whether anyone is paying attention.
One more thing worth saying: if she doesn’t like a photo, that’s not a reflection on your effort. It’s just information. Try a different angle, a different moment, different light. Treat it like data, not a critique. A lot of spouses take one bad photo, get a bad reaction, and never try again. That’s the worst possible outcome when the whole point is just to keep trying.
A Few Simple tips That Will Make your Photos Better
Once you’re in the habit of noticing, a few small things will make a real difference in how the photos actually turn out and none of them require any experience just the willingness to try.
Tip 1: Get Closer
Get closer than you think you need to. Most phone photos are taken from too far away and she ends up small in the frame. Close the distance.
Tip 2: Lighting
Indoors: Look for window light. Natural light from a window is the most flattering, easiest light there is when you’re indoors. If she’s near one, you’re already most of the way there.
Outdoors: Find shade. It gives you even, soft light without harsh shadows on her face and your phone will handle it well.
As a general rule, I’d avoid positioning anyone with the sun directly behind them because phone cameras auto expose for the background and she’ll end up too dark in the frame.
That said, experiment and see what works. There are no hard rules. Don’t let the lighting stop you. A real moment in imperfect light is always worth more than a perfect photo that never got taken.
Tip 3: Take More than one photo
Take more than one photo. The first one is rarely the best one. Take three or four in a row and choose later… it costs nothing and can make a huge difference.
Tip 4: Angles
If the person you’re photographing is always making comments about the size of their body in photos you take, then angle the phone up and shoot the image above them. This is going to help them appear smaller and they will most likely enjoy the image more. If there is an extreme reaction to the images you take of them, then I would strongly suggest having a conversation because as a woman in the modern world, I know just how tough body image issues can be and the first step in overcoming this is self compassion.
And the most important thing: if you think you should take a photo, take it. Don’t wait for a better moment or a better angle or for everyone to be ready. That moment is the moment.
She Doesn’t Have to Love Every Photo for It to Matter
She might look at some of them and cringe. That’s okay. That’s not the point. The point is that she’s in them and that there’s a record of her in her own life, in her own house, with her own kids, during these years that are going by faster than anyone wants to admit. Her kids are going to want those photos someday. Not just the posed ones, but the real ones. The everyday ones. And right now, you’re the only person in a position to take them.
And If This Still Feels Like A Lot…
Well… that’s what photographers are for. Hiring someone ensures she’s actually in the photos, someone is paying attention to her for an hour or two, and nobody has to think about any of this in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday. If that sounds like the right gift this year, I’d love to help! Mother’s Day is the perfect time to gift her with a photoshoot. You don’t even have to decide what kind of shoot… the best part is you can let her decide how she would like to enjoy the gift. For more info on booking you can email me here at [email protected] to inquire.
